Seth Green Film Fest in L.A. !!

Attention people of planet nerdtastic,

your favorite shrimpy ginger celebrity is going to get his very own film festival.

That’s right.

He is creater of Robot Chicken and the voice of Family Guy’s Chris Griffin

he was on a few episodes of that 70’s show in 2004

AND he originated the small and forgettable role of Kenny Fisher in Can’t Hardly Wait

He is:

Seth Green.

The excitement begins on September 3.

SETH GREEN’S CINEMATIC CAVALCADE OF HORROR!

special guests TBA!!!

sept 3&4 ROBO COP & DIE HARD

sept 5&6 STRANGE BREW & BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA

sept 7-9 YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES & TBA

sept 10&11 THREE O CLOCK HIGH & STATE OF GRACE

sept 12&13 BEVERLY HILLS COP & TBA

sept 14&15 SUPERMAN & BATMAN

head on down to the New Bev this fall and enjoy.

I will be there along with hundreds of others who couldn’t play sports in high school.

7165 West Beverly Blvd, Los Angeles CA 90036

Xena the lesbian princess!

Would you care to know what my biggest weakness is next to capers and blonde girls with long pointy noses?

YOUTUBE FAN VIDEOS ABOUT XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS

We don’t know each other but if we did, you might say, ” Angie you have gone cunt-crazy for Lucy Lawless and someone needs to push a come-back-to-reality stick up your poop poop hole before it’s too late”

but here’s the thing, Lucy Lawless is a fucking goddess from planet Hot. She is beautiful, she is dangerous, and she can do that thing where she hits pressure points on your neck, forces blood to trickle out of your nose, and threatens to let you just lie there and die IF you don’t tell her when the warlord plans to attack the village.

So you see, I’m not crazy. You guys just didn’t know all that other shit.

Xena Warrior Princess is just like us!

Now available for your viewing pleasure: an entire millisecond of Lucy Lawless being a sillypuss vagina-fiend in real life.

Qauntum Creep

BAKULA: HOT PIECE or 50 YEAR OLD MAN THAT ONLY I AM ATTRACTED TO?

Sure, Quantum leap was over about 8 years ago and none of the actors have really done anything but fat lines of blow and low-budget made-for-TV movies since the series cancelation in 1996

BUT HEY, he’s Dr. Sam Beckett

He’s the kind of guy who would slip his hand around your neck and caress the soft spot behind your ear before looking at you as if to say, ” you are so fucking beautiful that looking at you makes me feel like our souls are dancing together in an ocean of love and chocolate mousse”

I saw  the BAK once at the Madrid on Sherman Way which is the kind of theater where the florescent marquee has 4 bulbs  burnt out and the ticket counter is jam-packed with hateful sickly looking he/shes that wear too much black eyeliner.

My girlfriend and I were celebrating our 3 month anniversary by

taking in  the sexually-charged, nazi-song and dance spectacular:

CABARET.

Bakula was sitting in the lobby with 4 elitist boogers talking about how flat the singers were and how,” it was just so awful to sit through that wretched rendition of blablablablabla something else pretentious”  This experience made me decide that Scott Bakula is less of a 90’s babe and more of a washed up 2004 Snobberson McCock.

But just to put it out there…

That wouldn’t stop me from blowing his 50 year old dong.

Three glorious decades of Mcdonald’s Commercials

An entertaining timeline of cash-obsessed fast food chain CEO’s trying to fill your chubby belly with affordable grease-soaked chicken farts.

Mcnugget Commercials through the ages.

Now, stuff your fat mouth.

When Brad Pitt Dissappoints me, my heart hurts.

I love Brad Pitt with all of my heart, body, and soul. All of my being and everything that I am is in love with his chiseled jaw and washboard abs

but do you want to know what I love EVEN MORE than heart-throb ,do-it-machine Brad Pitt

Never having to see the movie Troy again for the rest of my life.

I have been dick-crazy obsessed with Brad Pitt ever since I bought Legends of the fall from the $5 DVD bin at Walmart last month. So, what have I been doing for the last 4 weeks?

buying every Brad Pitt movie that exists in our universe… including the epic shitfest: TROY

MAYBE if you are one of the many americans who suffers from a combination of blindness, deafness, and slight retardation- I recommend that you go to your local Blockbuster and rent Troy. ….otherwise save your seven dollars and do something equally entertaining .. such as changing all the lightbulbs in your house and waiting for them to burn out

I guess you can’t win them all.

But if you can sit through the 5 all star celebrities putting on phony english accents for the first 3 and 1/2 hours .. the sex scene is so hot it will make your nipples swell up and fall off.

Giant Asian Gazoons

Minka love your cockles long time and her handball titties are ready to devour any balls she sees.

Careful though. Those boulders have been known to crush 2 year old children.

I have spoken to Minka the asian boob queen once in my life and her words will stay with me always.

“You come with me. You come with me. I tennis pro. I know cute hunky babe man to marry you in California. He love you.”

beauty and brains.

p.s  All links in this post go to Free Minka & Big Tit Asian Movies.

Pineapple express is a glorious gift from heaven

Pineapple Express is going to make you laugh, cry, and then shit all over your panties because of all the laughing and crying you will be doing.

Now, this movie may not even be very good. I couldn’t tell you with certainty that it will change your life because I have never seen it. BUT I can telll you that I, along with 7 to 8 other very trustworthy people, believe that Judd Apatow is god and everything he makes is like a precious golden Pagasus.

WATCH THE TRAILER NOW

AND THEN SPEND 15% OF YOUR PAYCHECK ON A TICKET FOR TONIGHT’S 7 O’CLOCK SHOWING.

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A man at the end of his rope and possibly reaching for your wallet

Things were never the same for TGIF’S Reginald VelJohnson after the cancelation of Family Matters.

but he’s right. It’s just like a mini mall.

Ban Samro and Lohan from the Lesbian Community.

IF YOU SEE THESE SCISSOR SISTERS:

SHOW NO MERCY.

“Dear everyone that exists,

I am Lindsay Lohan, the new American Lesbian Icon. At any given moment you can find me vomiting in a taco bell parking lot, threatening to shank hood’ rats, or taking it up my poop poop for just a little bit of smack. Young girls look up to me and they think that I am the definition of 5 things

1. Cool

2. hot

3. woman

4. important

5. lesbian

If I don’t die suddenly, 2008’s generation of 9-16 year old girls will emulate my every move and continue to believe that I represent everything listed above. Please take action and kill me in my sleep.

p.s. I literally wear 19 bracelets on my right forearm at all times and I just thought I’d bring it up because it’s incredibley f#cktarded.”

Do your part, vigilantes.