Samro & Lilo inches away from my drunk-tarded face!

I saw Southern California’s lesbo Royalty at the W in Westwood last night. I hoped that Lohan would notice my killer dance moves and call me over for a threesome with her and Samro but they just sat on a couch, guzzled down fruitcake drinks, and smoked reds inside.

a couple puke bombs on the side of the I-5 north and my 2 least favorite dyke-mos all in one night.

It was bliss.

Now look at photos of Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan holding hands and kissing eachother’s cheeks to the empowering bubblegum hit, Rumors.

yeah, I’m caught up in that shit.

Before there was Brangelina there was Tristen Ludlow.

Before there was Brangelina,

There was dirty, rugged Tristen Ludlow and a curly haired brunette.

Crazed youtube fanatic, Ljay211986 remembers just as well as I do. So celebrate Monday by watching Brad Pitt hump away at Susannah’s virgin pocket. I am sure that Ljay211986 sync’d up the naked fun to a good-old fashioned Celine Dion tune that will naturally distract and confuse you so you might want to turn down the volume.

Hottest Man-Babes of the 1990’s

I’m not one for grotesque man flesh but give me A.C. Slater in a hypercolor muscle shirt and I will vomit from the excitement.

Without further adeu,

MY FAVORITE 90′S BEEFCAKES:

10. “WHEN I TALK TO LAURA SHE CREAMS IN HER PANTIES BECAUSE I AM JUST SO DAMNED SMOOTH. “

STEFAN URQUELLE

9. “WE DON’T POUND EACH OTHER’S BUTTHOLES WE JUST LIKE TO WORK OUT A LOT AND WATCH SPORTS IN BETWEEN TEARIN’ UP THE PUSSY, OF COURSE”

A.C. SLATER

AND OUR FAVORITE PREPPY BED-WETTER,

ZACK MORRIS

8.”MY COCK IS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING KEILBASA AND I DEFINITELY WANT TO BANG YOU WITH IT”

MARKY MARK

7. DUMB-AS-A-ROCK

JOEY LAWRENCE

6. OUR VERY OWN LOW-RENT BATMAN..

ANGEL

5. SEXY SCIENTIST TYPE AND RESIDENT SOFT-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN

DR. SAM BECKET

4. THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST OF ALL MOTORCYCLE DRIVING, 40-YEAR-OLD HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS

LUKE PERRY.

3. “MY VEST IS ALWAYS OPEN AND 40 YEAR OLD BITCHES LOVE THAT SHIT”

HERCULES

2. ALL THE WAY FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS,

PACEY WITTER

and finally our #1 tortured, ” I secretly never learned how to read and my home life is dog shit” 90’s babe……

JORDAN CATALLANO

Ban Samro and Lohan from the Lesbian Community.

IF YOU SEE THESE SCISSOR SISTERS:

SHOW NO MERCY.

“Dear everyone that exists,

I am Lindsay Lohan, the new American Lesbian Icon. At any given moment you can find me vomiting in a taco bell parking lot, threatening to shank hood’ rats, or taking it up my poop poop for just a little bit of smack. Young girls look up to me and they think that I am the definition of 5 things

1. Cool

2. hot

3. woman

4. important

5. lesbian

If I don’t die suddenly, 2008’s generation of 9-16 year old girls will emulate my every move and continue to believe that I represent everything listed above. Please take action and kill me in my sleep.

p.s. I literally wear 19 bracelets on my right forearm at all times and I just thought I’d bring it up because it’s incredibley f#cktarded.”

Do your part, vigilantes.

Wake Up!

For those of you who think coffee tastes like something that’s been sitting at the bottom of the L.A. river for 35 years, I have the next best wake me up.

P#SSY

Please enjoy these pictures of your very favorite woman that does bang bang for money and fame.

links go to free Tera Patrick Porn rentals.